It seems I often pay more attention to song lyrics than other people. For example, most people I've spoken to about the Killers' smash hit "Somebody Told Me", haven't realised the song is about a man lamenting two of his ex-girlfriends becoming lesbian lovers. Go and listen and let the epiphany wash over you, then adopt a smug air and tell all your inattentive friends about it and reap the rewards in elevated social status* (*may not actually occur).
Anyway, Jessie J. I must take issue with a line in her latest single, which runs thusly:
I'm not a saint, no not at all
But what I did, it wasn't cool
Have you noticed the problem yet? That's right, it doesn't make bloody sense.
First of all, join me in analysis of the phrase itself. She's used a common speech device where one expresses one's lack of expertise, practice or knowledge in a particular field to then highlight their thoughts on the subject so as to emphasise the apparent obviousness of their statement. A common set phrase for this would be "I'm no expert", i.e., I don't know a lot about this subject, but I do know this... as in "I'm no expert, but I don't think it's wise to take your laptop into the bath with you", or "I'm not a rocket scientist, but I'm fairly sure that satellite launch wasn't supposed to result in an explosion after seven seconds".
So now we've established that, let's look at why Jessie J deserves my opprobrium. It's because she first expresses she's not a saint, then when the style of phrase she's using dictates she should actually be expressing something saintly that she did - e.g. "I'm not a saint, no not at all, but I did help an old woman get some bread from a shelf she couldn't reach the other day in the supermarket" (those familiar with the song might pedantically point out this change wouldn't necessarily fit in seamlessly with the lyrics) - she again complains that what she did, it wasn't cool. So Jessie, you're not a saint, but also you did something un-saint-like? Well that's not actually a surprise, is it. And reason enough, I believe, for this single to be stripped of any sales it has achieved, and for its rise to the top of the charts to be expunged from the records.
Nobody's perfect? Indeed, Jessie. And don't even get me started on her proclamation that "karma comes back around".
